If you’re prone to suicidal thoughts, you’ve probably noticed that they come and go, often with depression. During one of those times when you’re feeling better, do yourself a favor – remove easy means of killing yourself from the places where you live or otherwise spend time. That way, when the darkness comes upon you – and you sort of know that it will – you’ll have made it harder for yourself to go through with it.
I was fortunate. I was only “actively suicidal,” as I call it, a single time. I happened to have run out of the house where someone had just betrayed me for sport, and when I’d trusted that person to protect me from others doing that very thing. I had a mental breakdown but didn’t know it at the time. I just turned and ran. Within minutes I was crying, to my surprise, and seconds later realized I believed in God when I’d never cared before.
I was climbing a hill, for the house I’d left was in a rural area and there had been nowhere to go when I burst through the back door. The only real path before me had been a hill. I was halfway up when I started crying. I made it over the other side and realized I had nowhere to go, so I sat beside a telephone pole while I lost my soul.
A few minutes later, I became suicidal and looked for a way to end my life. This was when luck kicked in. I had no way of doing it except the cars passing me by. But I was atop a huge hill with a speed limit of 35 mph. Even speeders were barely doing that by the top, and on seeing me sitting so close to the road, people slowed down even more. I’d never jump out in front of one and get myself killed, just maimed, if that.
And so I didn’t do it. It was a horrible moment, having let go of my will to live, committing to killing myself, and then discovering I had no means to go through with it. A few minutes later, I ceased to be “actively suicidal”, which I define as “doing something right now to bring about your death”.
If I’d stayed in the house, various means would’ve been available to me. What’s often amazed me is that it didn’t occur to me for 7 years (seven!) that I could’ve gone back, gotten in my car, hauled ass down the hill without my seat belt on, and purposely missed the turn at the bottom. The trees would’ve taken care of the rest.
If you have access to guns, maybe you shouldn’t. Get rid of them. Or ask those who have them to make sure they’re locked up well. Make a point of not knowing where the key is. Don’t make it easy to kill yourself. Make it hard. You deserve that.
In May of 2015, public shaming led a girl to kill herself. Or so it seems. To sum this up, the 13-year-old girl’s father cut her beautiful long hair off as punishment and videotaped her tearful reaction. Someone else got the video and uploaded it to YouTube. Izabel Laxamana then killed herself by jumping from […]
In the spring of 2014, a 16 year old girl named Maddie Yates committed suicide after posting a YouTube video in which she stated that she’d be doing the world a favor by killing herself. I can’t disagree more. I don’t know the first thing about Maddie, but I know this dark thought. I used […]
If you’ve ever thought, “If I kill myself, they’ll be sorry,” you’re not alone. Teenagers are especially prone to this sort of thinking. It doesn’t mean that you’re really suicidal. So then why think it? It has a mollifying effect, meaning it makes us feel better. Maybe we’re feeling uncared for, so we tell ourselves […]
If you’re prone to suicidal thoughts, you’ve probably noticed that they come and go, often with depression. During one of those times when you’re feeling better, do yourself a favor – remove easy means of killing yourself from the places where you live or otherwise spend time. That way, when the darkness comes upon you […]
If you’re having suicidal thoughts, it will not last forever. You didn’t always feel this way, and while you might feel this way all the time now, this too shall pass. It’s important to remember this. When I became suicidal, it followed a mental breakdown, and I felt that I had once been one way […]
Due to speech problems, I was isolated and often depressed as a teen, but my suicidal ideation turned serious at 18, when someone betrayed me to play a joke at my expense in front of others who’d gathered to watch me be humiliated. This caused a mental breakdown (or nervous breakdown), made me believe in God […]